Sunday, May 27, 2007

One

It amuses one when one finds oneself listed as #16 in the Richmond Democrat's List of Top Virginia Political Blogs.

As one who only extremely rarely comments on Virginia politics -- and then restricts oneself to vomiting forth opinions on vinyl siding and The Bunny Man Legend -- one finds oneself a trifle bemused, and one wonders about the catholicity of the criteria for admission to this putatively exclusive club.

Don't get one wrong -- one won't turn down membership. One crows from the highest rooftops: Cocksuckers better vote for Sally Kurtz for the Catoctin District of the Loudoun County Board of Supervisors or one will slash one's tires! There: One has said it.

One saw a car in the 7-11 parking lot yesterday with a respectable amount of dirt accumulated on its rear window. Someone had used a finger to inscribe "Faux Dirt" in the accumulated filth. This amused one so much that one began to think of other interesting things to write on the back of dirty cars.

This afternoon, inspired by the idea, one inscribed "There Is No God" on the back windshield of Wonder Woman's Pathfinder. One parked at Meadows Farms outside Leesburg to snag one some plantables. When one reoccupied the vehicle after some time occupied with impatiens and peonies, one found that some dull-witted but pious passerby had taken the time to smudge out one's message. Ones's car, one's profession of atheism. One believes those are actually still allowed under state law.

Vote for the Nazi Party, Virginia! Al-Qaeda wants you to! An influential blogger has said so!

14 comments:

The Richmond Democrat said...

Yes, I was surprised myself. Your inclusion was based on the fact that you are included on one or more political blog aggregators. Your ranking was based exclusively metrics like links and traffic, and nothing else. It was not a subjective ranking of your content.

uncle rameau said...

ungqsd - dimwitted cocksuckers.

Neddie said...

RD: What puzzles me is why I'm listed with aggregators concerned with Virginia politics. I know what Waldo, who runs VAPoliticalBlogs, tends to pick posts of mine that amuse him -- the humor pieces get posted, the more "serious" ones not.

Traffic. Hmm. This surprises me too. I guess it's because I don't have metrics on other peoples' blogs. I thought I was sort of low-average. Maybe not.

Maybe I should talk about my dick more.

Grimespace Grimstead said...

Maybe a less direct approach is called for, when attempting a dirt-scratch discourse.

Something like:
"The ned is nigh! RELENT!"

david s. said...

Perhaps your dick should become more politically involved.

QRED said...

some dull-witted but pious passerby had taken the time to smudge out one's message

Why should the nazis be the only ones profiting from that righteous zeal? Next time, write, "There is no god, or my car wouldn't be so damn filthy" and leave 'em a soapy sponge.

J. D. said...

The next time I see you, remind me to tell you about the "real" Wonder Woman's car. I have first-hand knowledge.

WW said...

Excuse me, buddy, but on this blog I'm not only the "real" Wonder Woman, I'm the ONLY Wonder Woman!

Evan said...

So you wrote something atheistic, and got an anonymous religious person to voluntarily wash your car for you, and you're complaining about that?

Shoot, man, Tom Sawyer himself couldn't have done that better.

blue girl said...

You tell him Wonder Woman!

Bobby Lightfoot said...

This makes me want to try something involving a satanic penile tattoo and a convent.

J. D. said...

OK, I haven't been paying attention. I'm new around here. I'm wearing the wrong glasses. I've mixed iced tea and chocolate milk. I've been hitting my head with a mic stand. I've been staring at flashing lights for too long. Or something. I'm sorry about the Wonder Woman comment. I didn't realize the significance of the phrase until after my last post.
Has anyone perfected that damn time machine yet?

Neddie said...

J.D., trust me on this one; personal experience talking here: Wonder Woman forgiveness is Number One Finest Kind. You should start feeling a warm glow right...about...now. And it only gets better from here.

One said...

One finds oneself heartily amused by this post. One has to one der why one ever feels the need to abstract one's unique identity to the third person (how many persons are there?). One also notices that one used the word "one" more than once in one's last comment assuring us of one der woman's benevolence.