Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This I Believe...

...That, if you work for a large corporation, voluntarily wearing a polo shirt to work that bears your own employer's logo makes you a twat.


XTCfan said...

What if you stole the shirt?

EmployeeoftheMonth said...

But wearing the competition's to your review is totally metal, dude.

cleek said...

i only wear mine during bank robberies and bar fights.

Carl the Big Fool said...

I like wearing my logo shirts from the OLD company, before we got bought out. Old-school old-timey good ol' days.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

yeah, absolutely. Hedge-fund-manager- sized twat. Possessing-its-own-zip- code-sized twat.

blue girl said...

That's so true, Jeddie. And they're always so *proud* of them, too. They think it's such a great company man statement or something. And it probably is -- to their damn glad to meet ya kind.

I was at a meeting with a guy a few weeks ago. Had the logo'd polo on and he called me by just the first syllable of my first name throughout the entire meeting. Real casual, like he had known me forever. Another sign, at least to me, of someone's who's a total twit.

He had never met me before, but felt comfortable enough to give me a cute little nickname.

Two strikes, buddy.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

So, he kept calling you "Blue"?

EmployeeoftheMonth said...

What of that slice of hell which bubbles to the surface of the earth each year and calls itself "Corporate Challenge"? Or as I refer to them: the corporate Special Olympics.

Aiiie you hit a nerve Ned.

blue girl said...

Bobby Lightfoot, I tried to figure out a way of someone shortening "Blue" to make it sound the same way.

"Bl" -- doesn't work.


I can't reveal my real name because I'm a high level secret agent and I cannot compromise my mission. But, say, if my real name was "Carrie" and he called me "Care" for two straight hours.

Oh Care! That's great! Let's ask Care. What do you think, Care?!

I think you should stop calling me Care.

Such a sign of a weasel.

J. Andrew Boyle said...

What if you were charged with making the logo for the shirt?

Had to do that at the big publishing corp I used to work for. I think they only made 10 shirts.

At 25 I thought it was cool...

Neddie said...

What if you stole the shirt?

Double twat.

My own first name isn't much of a secret -- Harrison. Several thousand years ago I used to go by "Harry" -- a decision I made when I was about 6 years old. (I know -- what the fuck was I thinking?) Now, the only person in the entire world who can call me "Harry" is Wonder Woman, and that's only by Extraordinary Royal Dispensation -- she knew me then. Anyone else who tries it is coldly reminded that that is not my name. Usually with an accent approaching that of Elizabeth II, Regina: "Thet is not my nem."

I think the best strategy with people like the guy in GlueBirl's meeting is to turn the tables and shorten his name, see how he likes it.

Gary = Gar
Lawrence = Law
Robert = Rob (never Bob)
Algernon = Alg

And so forth. If it's already a one-syllable name, take it down to the first two letters, like "Blue" to "Bl." Feel free to borrow that Queen Elizabeth accent. It really works.

gl said...

I have a good friend who calls me by my first syllable. But, I love her and she loves me (get your mind out of the gutter) so it's fine when she does it.

But, there's a certain type of guy, that when he does it, it's just such a slimy, fake sales guy thing to do that I just want to whallop him upside the head.

Same kind of guy as George W. Bush, I believe. With all those stupid, fake nicknames, acting like he's your buddy.


gl said...

Sorry, *gl* is me -- top secret agent.

Neddie said...

Same kind of guy as George W. Bush, I believe. With all those stupid, fake nicknames, acting like he's your buddy.

Oh, we knew it was you all along, Glue Lirl...

One of the first things that started me loathing the guy, that "bestowing nicknames" thing. It's a classic paranoid bully's technique, ordering reality to your own nomenclature.

Fuck him.

Fuck him very much.

Neddie said...

...I'd also like to point out that I owned, and proudly displayed, an "I Still Hate George Bush" T-shirt in November of 2001.

There. My lefty cred is established.

Fred Wickham said...

Another sign of somebody going for undeserved familiarity, or attempting to assert status, is to take your nice solid one syllable name and add the diminutive -ie. I'm Fred, not Freddie. If my name was Ned I might feel differently.

Neddie said...

HAH! What an interesting insight! When I chose my nom de blog I actually had no idea it was a slave-name. I picked it because I was amused by its recurrent use in Walt Kelly's Pogo strip. I thought it was a play on the nineteenth-century expression "by Jingo!" I didn't know then that "Poor Old Ned" was a rather flamboyantly racist minstrel song. Ah, well. Live and learn.

glue birl said...

I also want to say that I'd really like to work with someone named Algernon.

Algernon! Your layout is pristine!

Algernon! The client will be here soon!

Algernon! You type treatment is fabulous!

I would drive it right into the ground.

Algernon would probably end up whalloping me.

Kevin Wolf said...

Back when, one of my parents' aquaintances was named Algernon. I did not know this for the longest time because everybody always called him Non. As it turned out, he was pretty much a non-entity and had drippy kids, so the name was appropriate.

Re the original topic, I did once design a tee shirt for our not-very-large company, back at an old job. It came out pretty well and gave me about 5 minutes relief from my regular dreary duties. Soon thereafter, the place went under, so it all worked out in the end.

Q Red said...

Let's not leave out those great American Patritwats.

Neddie said...

I believe the association of the name Algernon with drippy weediness comes from the poet Algernon Swinburne.

A glance at his Rossetti portrait at Wikipedia will reveal why -- and it's a shame, because he was a corking good poet.

Neddie said...


Damned close to Flag Desecration, ain't it?

I saw a very funny t-shirt a while back: "I'll mess with Texas!"

The Viscount LaCarte said...

I wear mine every Friday when I'm teaching. It impresses the student geeks and bugs the shit out of my coworker geeks because they don't have one.

Regarding the Pastrytwats - Remember this?

- The Viscount LaTwat

Tom said...

I have a more nuanced logowear policy.

Wearing a logo polo: Acceptable, if it's an alternative to wearing a shirt and tie. I'd prefer a T-shirt, but it's been a while since I've worked anywhere where that was acceptable garb for professional librarians.

Buying a logo polo as a requirement of the job: Find another job.

Buying a logo polo voluntarily: Twat.

Being given a really nice jacket with the company logo on it: Acceptable schwag. Bonus points if they don't make you replace it if the logo embroidery "accidentally" unravels.

Voluntarily buying a really nice jacket with the company logo on it: Debatable. I almost bought a FedEx bomber jacket when I worked for them, because it was not only relatively cheap but had two different colors of reflective tape on it, which would have been nice to have whenever I rode my bike at night. I decided not to, on reflection, when imagining the number of random strangers who would stop me and ask where their fucking package was.

Buying a thong with the company logo on it: Possibly amusing, but don't wear it to bed, at least if you have company in bed.

Wearing a logo thong to work, and nothing else: HALL OF FAME.

John B. said...

I still have one of the Nation's WORRY t-shirts with W looking quite abit like Alfred E. Newman from MAD fame.
Love that shirt.
My wife really hates it when I wear it to parties.

glue birl said...

I decided not to, on reflection, when imagining the number of random strangers who would stop me and ask where their fucking package was.


the ugly editor said...

Years ago, a company officer twat came over to my desk with a huge grin and tossed me a tee shirt with the company logo on it. She was so proud and by the look on her face, I could tell that she wanted me to be grateful for receiving such a wonderful gift, for free no less, I mean, what a generous gesture on the company's behalf. I don't remember the exact words of withering sarcastic contempt I uttered at the prospect of ever wearing such a shirt, but I do remember the look on her face as if I had just kicked her dog.