Thursday, September 21, 2006

All Hail the Service Economy!

In one of a very few idle moments in today's workday, I was wandering down the hall, whistling "Salty Dog" and wishing I could play the banjo like a man named Scruggs. Absently jingling the change in my pocket, I paused for a second to peruse a new sign I hadn't noticed before:

Huh! I thought. Some sort of corporate campaign to lighten the fare for us worker bees. Admirable, this: We could all do with a spot of eating lower on the food chain, particularly that fella who just walked by, whom I've always privately thought of as "Mr. Creosote." (A dead ringer.)

As my eye wandered down the poster, I caught sight of a detail -- a selling point, I think you'd call it -- that instantly made me grateful I live in the Twenty-first Century, when Service is a byword and no turn too good for Those Who Serve:

Well, all right then! Now that is what I call some solicitude for my comfort! Just now I was stifling under the ennui of modern life, wondering what new thing might arise, and along comes an enterprising johnny with an offer like this! And while I wait, for all love! That's convenience! I've been pondering how this work could be performed while I wasn't waiting -- the concept of a Drop-Off Service being difficult to encompass -- but I'm sure the Invisible Hand has guided this entrepreneurial paladin to solve even this imponderable.

I imagine they're lined up around the block in the CC2 Atrium, breathlessly holding up fistfuls of money and clamoring to part with it, so I think I'll let the excitement simmer down before availing myself of this tempting offer. But you can bet your bippie I'll slope along presently.

Maybe I'll just watch the first few times. A fella can be shy.


Bobby Lightfoot said...

Ha ha ha ha. That's th' dressing.

Dude, *somebody* was going to say it.

fgfdsg said...

They'll toss your salad in public? Who said Americans are puritians?

What's next? Cease-him Salad? (Zesty) Testes Dressing? The mind boggles.

Someone has to lower to level of discourse around here. Glad to do my bit.

roxtar said...

Will they "stir the soup" as well?

Will Divide said...

"Bet you Bippie"?! Awww... now there's a blast from the plaster.

And judging by the latest news on the leafy green front, you should be able to toss that salad right back at them after you eat it.

(BTW, is yipbpqv the new bippie?)

Akatabi said...

The connotations of "Get yer salad tossed" have already been well-noted, and I'll grant that a fresh salad beats a canned one, but why do I want to be composing my own? Caesar, Nicoise, Cobb, Waldorf etc. are all tried and true professional efforts which are best left to professionals. Bonus to Neddie for Salty Dog.

Carl said...

I am reminded of the McDonald's online banner ad that went around a while back. "Quarter Pounder? I'd hit it."

OK then.

blue girl said...

Oh my God, how funny.