Saturday, September 30, 2006

Vive la Différence!

ALLURING EYES. Slender and smart, irreverent, romantic, and really attractive. Passionate Ph.D. who breaks Ph.D. mold. Keen intellect, balanced by gentle, soft, sensual side. Graceful, with delicate features and gamin look -- reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn. Tender, affectionate, socially conscious, with knack for playful adventure and good grasp of life's complexities. Delights in Italy, hiking Yorkshire moors, South African safari, Red Sox, Patriots, frozen yogurt, Picasso, Miró, cooking bouillabaisse. Athletic, yet noncompetitive, addicted to golf, often finds it too disheartening to keep score. Interested in primitive art, psychoanalysis, Latin music, Eugene O'Neill, Op-Ed pages. Seeks kind, educated, attractive, fit man, 55-70, with capacity for love.

-- Personal ad chosen (nearly) at random from the October 16, 2006, New York Review of Books

MODERATELY HAIRY. Mustard-keen and button-cute, rapier wit always at the ready to puncture pretentious poppycock, Eusty-Prize-winning otolaryngologist -- but not arrogant about it -- seeks sensual playmate to explore life's possibilities. And talk about your broken molds! A veritable gazelle on the jai-alai court or the croquet lawn, with beautifully formed, graceful calves, preternaturally lovely, swanlike neck and a tail as prehensile as his mind -- reminiscent of a young Claude Rains, he's been told more than once, but without the disquieting Frenchiness and with a (very small, barely noticeable, really) port-wine stain. Patience of a saint, a very companionable drunk and a great listener when his female companions feel like droning on and on and on and on about "life's complexities." Relishes the queer little back streets of Anacostia, rafting the Pacific, exploring the wine-bars of the Manila godowns, shamanic ayahuasca rituals with the Urarina people of Peru, eating boiled dog with the Orang Asli on the banks of the Rajang River, rooting for dear old Denison. Easy conversationalist in Farsi, !Xhosa, Medieval Danish and Hochdeutsch. Interests include taxidermy, Linear B, Transcendentalism, Sudoku, COBOL, LeRoy Nieman, Richard Speck, collecting car batteries, antisemitism, Def Leppard. Seeks slender, smart, irreverent and attractive woman, 50-65. It would really, really, really help if you look like Audrey Hepburn. Must like anal. Reply to:

-- Personal ad submitted for the October 30, 2006, New York Review of Books


Anonymous said...

Rock on! It's the least you can do. Thanks for the laugh.

Will Divide said...

Dr. Namlerep, I presume?

blue girl said...

You are hysterical.



...but without the disquieting Frenchiness and with a (very small, barely noticeable, really) port-wine stain.

I love that in a man.


Kevin Wolf said...

LOL, as they say (though I don't).

ckennedy said...

Medieval Danish! Why, . . . I've been waiting for a guy like you. Too bad the anal's a deal breaker.

Neddie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Neddie said...

[Previous comment deleted for extremely unfortunate inadvertent metaphor...]

Will: We are the sum total of our Influences. I need a pair of small pebble glasses and a moustache to complete the effect.

(I do regret -- just the teensiest bit -- directly lifting a couple of Dr. N.'s mots, instead of just distilling their spirit, as it were. Blame it onthe Bossa Nova, and leave me out of it.)

BG: One endeavors at all times, Madame, to be Hysterical.

ckennedy: Although we are apparently not destined to grow old together, I do honor your ability to recognize a Punch Line when it bites you in the unmolested derriere. Pity: I looked forward to droning on and on and on about the Schleswig-Holstein Question with you. Sure you won't reconsider? (I have given up trying to find a joke here that isn't in extremely bad taste -- as quite a lot of the referred practice, jolly fun though it may be...)