Friday, June 29, 2007

I Come From the Land of Ice and Snow

I find rather ineffably hilarious my most recent Pop-Culture Discovery -- namely, that Robert Planet's wordless howl at the outset of "The Immigrant Song" is exactly the same melodic phrase that adorns the theme-song of "Get Smart." The thought puts me in such a fabulous mood that I can fortitudinously bear your schadenfreude-laden giggles at my tale of woe with the Triumph....

I haven't yet named the thing yet, but I'm willing to entertain suggestions. Think of a capricious person who constantly squirts oil onto the floor and won't rise to a vigorous kicking....

I took the Oily Beast (© John Morrish) down to the local gas station, a distance of some five or six miles, to tank up in preparation for a practice run around Short Hill. Having filled the tank, I kicked to start (her?) up again.

And kicked.

And kicked.

Nothing would bring (her?) to life. Absolutely nothing. My right leg was absolutely knackered from the effort.

The headlamp wasn't shining, and the ammeter on (her?) headlamp showed an alarming nothingness. Quite clearly, something was desperately wrong with the electrical system. I asked the gas-station owner if it was OK to leave (her?) there for the night; luckily, our daughters are coevals at the local school, and we knew each other noddingly.

I went home and spent a very uncomfortable night, tossing and turning and wondering what kind of pig in a poke I'd just bought. The next morning, Wonder Woman and I drove my truck to the station with a stout length of rope. She towed me home -- an absolutely terr-o-fying bit of driving, if I may confess it.

I called the fellow who'd sold me the bike, Randy Creel, of Randy's Cycle Service and Restoration, who was superbly helpful in walking me through a set of diagnostics that isolated the problem to the battery, which was, simply, old. I bought a new battery, installed it -- a quite thrillingly dangerous procedure involving pouring extremely dangerous chemicals into a box and hooking a 2-amp trickle charger to it -- and now it starts like a sex kitten on roofies (JC? Any hints for a name?).

19 comments:

Carl the Big Fool said...

Good catch on the Led Zep/Get Smart thing. Ever notice that the theme from the Banana Splits matches "Buffalo Soldier?" Tra la la, whoa yo yo yo.

EmployeeoftheMonth said...

Suggest her name be "Honoria" Middle aged classy lady who *performs* with a bit of maintenance & lovekindness.

Jeremy said...

Tricky, the naming thing. Obviously you don't want to memorialize the lying on the floor dripping oil and won't rise to a good kicking phase. But the sex kitten on roofies, now there's a challenge.

Given that she's British, and all that, I think I'd go for Emma (Peel). That way, you could do all sorts of back stories for different audiences.

Whatever you do though, don't call her wkvlrxuh or you'll never hear the end of it.

Anonymous said...

begin with Emma or Tess {Trueheart}, move on to Jezebel.

Will Divide said...

Flutterby McQueen?

JC said...

That's weird, Jeremy, because I was also going to suggest Emma Peel. That seems appropriate given Neddie's affintiy (and mine, too, remember the Rover?) for the mid-60's, Brit aesthetic. Also, given the subtle subtext of the enterprise, we need a name associated with the fairer sex, no? Who could more perfectly epitmozie the era for us than Emma Peel?

btw, That "Get Smart" "Immigrant Song" link is highly disturbing.

JC said...

Emma Peel is also appropriate because the name is really a pun that fits in (ahem!) with the allure that motorcycles have for us, but especially for Neddie.

Oh, yeah, on a somewhat related note, A rented "The Knack and How to Get it" for us this week. That film is dripping with just the sort of Brit-60's sensibility we have been discussing. At this point in history, I would imagine that, at least for some, the film is as much a fetish obect as it is a motion picture. Directed, of course, by Richard Lester. I'll see the rest of it tonight.

Neddie said...

I love "Emma Peel" and would forthwith christen the bike with a bottle of champagne athwart the headlight but for one small thing: I only just a couple of weeks ago attended the NewCritics event in New York that was held at the apartment of my partner-in-arms, M. A. Peel.

This might prove, how shall we say, domestically complicated. Ms. Peel (in both her incarnations) is a fabulous specimen of womanhood, and I'd hate to make Wonder Woman think I was naming the thing after a fellow NewCritics blogger with great gams.

I am rather attracted to a variation -- "Emma Peelout."

I'm also quite smitten with "Honoria." As in Honoria Glossop, the original "goopy girl."

"The Knack and How to Get It" is also very high on my list of Movies I Haven't Ever Seen But Should Before I Die. If you're not obligated to return it to NetFlix in the next few months, I'd love to borrow it from you.... JC, have you ever seen "The Running, Jumping and Standing Still Film"? I have it as an Extra on my DVD copy of "A Hard Day's Night." Very well worth seeing -- Monty Python quite clearly based an entire comedic career on it...

dSmith said...

It's also the opening of "Bali H'ai"
by Rodgers and Hammerstein from "South Pacific"

Jennifer said...

I say you name her, Ma Virts...

XTCfan said...

Union Jackie.

Duh.

Jim 7 said...

"Sex Kitten on Roofies" isn't a name?

Leaks oil. Bad electrics. I vote for the "Dark Incontinent."

How about the poster girl for swinging London, "Marianne Faithfull?" And the real Marianne did a movie dressed in black leather called "Girl on a Motorcycle."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063013/

JC said...

Sorry, but A already sent "The Knack" back to NetFlix. She likes to stay on top of our DVD viewing, and promptly returns our already viewed DVDs to maintain the flow of DVDs to us.

Honoria? I don't know about that. Isn't that a little off in terms of tone, and period?

Since we were talking about Emma Peel, "Honoria" puts me in mind of Diana Rigg's predecessor on "The Avengers," Honor Blackman. Hey, wait a minute, what was the name of that character Honor Blackman played in "Goldfinger"? No, no, we can't call Neddie's motorcycle THAT name. It's too obvious, although the historical period is right.

What about Barbarella?

Jennifer said...

What about Tura Satana?

JC said...

I had considered Tura Santana, too,Jennifer. Although that reference isn't British, it does have all of the other appropriate connotations, 60s, speed, and a certain eclat. As we've been discussing this whole process, I've often thought that the ideal film director for a possible Neddie Biker Biopic would be either Russ Meyer or Richard Lester.

Jim 7: Until I read your post, I thought I was the only person who had ever actually seen "Girl on a Motorcycle." But I don't think that film qualifies as a 60s talisman the way that "The Knack," or "A Hard Days Night" does. I would classify "Girl" more as a 60s-curiosity, or as a guilty pleasure that isn't really all that pleasurable. The idea of a film with Marianne Faithful dressed in black leather and riding a motorcycle in various European locales sounds quite alluring. But actually spending 2 hours watching such a film is a bit of a chore.

The Big A just suggested this as a bike name: "Diabolique."

Jennifer said...

JC- After I had mentioned Tura, I realized it was the wrong bike. Perhaps a Kawasaki crotch rocket?

Mr. X said...

Given that you had to bring it back to life as if it were Frankenstein, I'd say "Edgar". As in Winter. Doesn't sound as if you're inclined to give it a guy name ("Hey, honey, going to go ride Edgar for a while... what?"), but just a thought.

The Bride? Double meaning there, if not more...

devo said...

If you seek a female name, how about Joy?

it's somebody's bad handwroter said...

Faithfull - for real, better than fiction: she's wheeled all 'round the swinging London block, and still (r)evolving, a rocking classy lady. Natch.