Saturday, June 09, 2007

No Sandwiches, Now

I find the atmosphere just right to ask the following question, one that has bugged me for years:

If offered a Perfect Ideal World, where Tony would never find out and consign you to slumber with the finny denizens of the deep, and where your own spousal unit would be equally uninclined to vengeful wrath, who would you do?

Carmela Soprano, or Meadow Soprano?


Me: Carm. As long as she asked nicely. I have my own reasons.

But I'd love to hear your own rationale.

24 comments:

Bobby Lightfoot said...

Yeah, yeah- I could see th' appeal of tappin' La Carmelissima. We would've been fighting to smaple (smaple?) her milferific wares until maybe season 6 at which point Meadow grows into a dusky, tragic sensuality that reminds one a little of Michelangelo's *La Dolorosa* if said were gloriously nude astride a steed and wearing naught but a whimple and a devilish glimmer.

Mater Soprano did enjoy a brief reprieve in my estimations given th' fellatial festivities at the top of this final season but it was but a feeble flame soon blowed (erk) out by the unselfconscious Sheharazadisms of her writhing and nublie progeny. Nublie indeed. It was all recorded in Nublie.

Anonymous said...

I'd give my left walnut to have Meadow on all fours. I'd probably let Carm blow me. If I was drunk. Or feeling needy. Ah, jeez, now I have to go rub one out. On a Sunday morning. I feel so dirty. I hate you.

Bobby Lightfoot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Whoever it was Tony would be tied to a chair and watching.

Decatur Dem said...

Buffy or Faith? Willow, Cordy, or Joyce? I'm not sayin', but Ms. Dem gets that look whenever Spike comes on the screen.

As someone with absolutely no plans to avail myself of HBO, I'll be so relieved when people aren't talking and writing every minute about The Sopranos.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

Dude you might have to remove this one.

Lance Mannion said...

What? Dr Melfi isn't a choice?

I'm guessing the reason you left her out of the mix is you wanted Carm and Meadow to get some votes.

Ok, with Melfi off limits, I have to choose Carmella. First, because when it comes to sex, going to bed with the 40 year old is always the wiser choice. Making love with a partner is more fun than making love to an object. 40 year olds want to take part and know what they're doing. 20 year olds think sex as all about you adoring them...or even more boring about their adoring you...or about their being adorable for you.

In the case of these particular 40 and 20 year olds, well, Carmella is just gorgeous, and Meadow reminds me too much of a hundred girls I knew at Boston University, a typical Long Island Princess for whom a whine is a more natural form of expression than a moan of pleasure.

By the way, the hottest women ever to appear on the Sopranos was Alicia Witt, who played the movie producer Christopher got involved with in Season Two and who is 32, the ideal age for a fantasy woman you're imagining you're willing to get yourself killed over.

Jennifer said...

So... no choice for women? No choice for women who aren't feeling Sapphic? It appears this post has a glass ceiling. I wonder... what might a glass ceiling be in terms of sex... above or below the pearl earring?

Jennifer said...

Okay... after looking at that photo, I'd have to say, if you're an insecure man, or any man for that matter, you go for Meadow. Yes, she'd probably be a wonderful ride, but your ego would be doing all of the work. Carmela would ride you hard and send you home wet and you wouldn't quite know what had happened.

Fred Wickham said...

Another vote for Carmela here. In high school (where questions of this type always take me) I knew a beautiful, but prissy dark-haired girl. Then I met her mom. Oh lord, she was sexy. And to think she's 85 or 90 now.

Woody Bombay said...

Mitt Romney would call this question a 'null set.' Of course, he is an idiot.

But anyway, the correct answer is Adriana. Dirty, filthy, disgusting, sweaty, depraved, hot, numbing sex with Adriana La Cerva. On top of her little dog.

Ken Houghton said...

What Lance Said, for the reason Jennifer lists.

If I'm gonna cheat, it has to be worth it.

Ken Houghton said...

Oops, minor amendment: leave out what Lance said about the little girl from Dune, even if she did grow up to be Christy Whitman, having learned to give **** **** through Richard Dryface's teaching her the flute.

glue birl said...

"Do" is such a lovely and romantic word, Jeddie.

Oh. You mean you weren't intending "lovely and romantic"? Oh.

I asked The Skimmer. And he said that you are talking a "Perfect Ideal World" here. And since it's Perfect and Ideal, he would "do" both. (At different times, of course. Pshaw.)

And then since it would still a Perfect Ideal World, he'd get to choose which one to "do" again.

Jennifer, if you look at this page, you'll see a woman's choice on this show is few and far between.

Sil? Junior?

Paulie Walnuts?

LOL.

Jennifer said...

BG- I checked out the page, just to make sure I hadn't forgotten... something. You're right, few and far between. I'd rather choose from Deadwood...

glue birl said...

Jennifer, I think we need to stay within the same genre here.

I've been pondering this important issue for a few hours now.

Sonny from The Godfather?

Jimmy Conway from Goodfellas?

Hmmm. This is a tough one.

Jennifer said...

Sonny from the Godfather... oh dear. I'll never forget reading page 26(?) from a borrowed copy. Boiled macaroni was never the same.

Neddie said...

Making love with a partner is more fun than making love to an object. 40 year olds want to take part and know what they're doing. 20 year olds think sex as all about you adoring them...or even more boring about their adoring you...or about their being adorable for you.

More or less exactly my reasoning, Lance. An older woman knows how much fun it can be, if approached in the right frame of mind. On top (oooh!) of that, actual laughter might reasonably be expected.

Jennifer: I imagine that there are millions of paperback copies of The Godfather in attics all across this land of ours with spines badly creased at p. 26, and completely undisturbed from that point onward. I know there was one at my house, circa 1973.

Zeke said...

[W]hen it comes to sex, going to bed with the 40 year old is always the wiser choice. Making love with a partner is more fun than making love to an object. 40 year olds want to take part and know what they're doing.

I take your point, but there's a more important consideration for me. Meadow was born into the Mafia, but managed to stay relatively clean (so far). Carmela chose it, and continues to choose it it on a regular basis. No contest at all, as far as I'm concerned.

But you're completely right if Alicia Witt's in the mix.

Tom said...

Never having watch the Sopranos myself, I'd go with Lance Mannion's logic.

JC said...

When you asked who'd I "do," I assume you are referring to the character as opposed to the actress. In that vein, I would have to say Meadow. Why? Carmella is a fascinating character, but she is one of the most morally respulsive people on the Sopranos. She is also, unlike some of the other characters on the program, a sanctimonious hypocrite, who is just as easily bought off as the "goomahs" she despises. She's a "Bing" girl with pants. On the other hand, Meadow, although she is, as other commnetrs have pointed out, young,and a tad idealistic, has some sort of moral center to her. Now, I admit to finding her much more attrative than Carmella. I like her Greek-Jewish-Cuban looks. In the real world, however, I would probably take Edie Falco over Jami-Lynn because the latter is famous for her eating disoders. That usually spells trouble sexually, as most Jingoites already know. physically attractive.

bobby lightfoot said...

40-year old women are better at pretending you don't disgust them and that fucking is a more worthwhile activity to them than, say, watching TV.

JD said...

Jennifer and glue birl: the young Michael Corleone of "The Godfather" is well worth consideration.

Anonymous said...

i'll go with deadwood myself - give me a big fat helping of al swearengen! he can open my fucking can of peaches ANY TIME HE WANTS