Tuesday, June 26, 2007


The Time: 1999 or so.

The Place: Somewhere in the desolation of the Northern Virginia suburbs.

I was returning with Freddie from a Cub Scout camping trip. Bone-tired from not having slept at all in a miserable pup-tent on the torturous forest floor, disgusted with the company I'd been forced into for two days -- let's face it; I wouldn't have befriended most of the dullards who made up the Cub Scout troop parents if the choice had been up to me, and the kind of nitwit who enjoys leading a bunch of eight-year-olds through "On Top of Old Smokey" while toasting marshmallows can only be characterized as a complete twat -- I needed something Seriously Transgressive to chase away the anomie.

Freddie, who'd slept as little as me, was dossed in the back seat. I searched the CD carrier and found it: "Weasels Ripped My Flesh" by the Mothers of Invention. The perfect record! Take this, you boozhy cocksuckers!

Didja Get Any Onya... Prelude to the Afternoon of a Sexually Aroused Gas Mask... Toads of the Short Forest... Yes... yes...! This is doing the trick! I am not some goddamned Cub Scout Dad in khaki Dockers driving a fucking minivan through the 'burbs! No! I am a Zappa Fan!

I heard a stirring in the back seat. Freddie had been awake and listening.


"Yes, my son? How may I help you?"

"Why's his guitar want to kill her mommy?"

Ah, life.

My first attempt at a GarageBand recording, back in, what, 2003? was My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama. I was experimenting with the loops that came with that marvelous program, found this neat-o N'Awlins kind of drum thing, and it just grew organically out of that. I sequenced the bass using an acoustic bass patch, laid down a rhythm guitar vamp, and then just played the shit out my Strat. Sometime when I'm at a loose end I may feed the original file into Logic to see if I can't give the recording a little more testicular fortitude, but I kinda like it the way it is.

My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama


Gavin M. said...

Dude, that's really good.

Akatabi said...


Bobby Lightfoot said...

Dig. Love th' bass and the processing on the vocal is how-did-you-do-it cool. Guitar is snottier than a Boy Scout troop. That garageband could sure save a lot of mic-placement time. GG Allin notwithstanding.

I came up with "Snat" TM. Five dollars. Also came up with "it's a ... thing". TM.

billy pilgrim said...

I love the fact that this is going to come up on my iTunes random someday, and nobody will have any idea who it is.

Including me.

Neddie said...

Thanks, everybody.

You want to know why I processed the voice like that?

Because I could. Simple as that.

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Bobby Lightfoot said...

Jesus, huh?

I'm going to do a post on free pot and see what I get.

Go to it, thou.

giggles said...

Damn, mister!!!! I never knew!!!!!

JC said...

That was wild. You have managed to approximate that unique Zappa guitar sound.
It's a shame Zappa died so young. I hate to say it, but he doesn't seem to have the place he truly deserves in the Rock Pantheon, at least in my opinion. His music has aged very well. I don't have much of his stuff CD, but I frequently listen to what I do have--"Absoultely Free," and "Hot Rats." I get the chills listening to "Willie the Pimp".
Interestingly enough, Captain Beefheart seems to get more press now than Zappa. Actually, I probabl;y listen to more Beffheart than Zappa, primarily because I am constantly spinning "The Mirror Man Sessions" CD that Buddha records issued a few years back. That record is the ultimate sonic statement in psychedelia. candy corn be reborn . . . .