Approaches to the Bard

Today, as I wandered the halls, dreaming my little dreamy dreams and avoiding work, I was quite amused by the idea of Hamlet soliloquies being delivered by Crocodile Dundee:

O, thet thees too too sulid flish would milt,
Thawr, ind resolve eetself eento a dyew!
Or thet the Iverlarsting hed not feex'd
Hees cenon 'gynst silf-slawtah! O God! God!
How weary, style, flet and unprofitable
Seem to me orll the uses of thees wuld!

This branched out. Peter Lorre as King Lear:

Blow, winds, [oily giggle] and crack your cheeks!
Yee caat-a-racts and hurricaaaaanoes, rage! Blow!

Mayor Quimby:

Two of the, er, fairest stahs in all the, er, heavens
Having some business, do, er, entreat her eyes
To, er, twinkle in their spheres till they, er, retuhn.

Al Swearengen:

He doth bestride the narrow world
Like a fuckin' Colossus, and we petty cocksuckers
Walk under his huge legs and peep about
To find ourselves fuckin' dishonourable graves.
Cocksucker.

(Actually, that last one reads pretty good, doesn't it... I can really hear Al saying it...)

Well, it beats working.