Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Eight Random Calumnies Regularly Directed at Me


Miss M. A. Peel has tagged me with this thang. I wouldn't ordinarily do this, but I sat in her apartment in Manhattan a couple of weeks ago and drank her wine at the NewCritics Affair, and it's a longstanding rule with me: Never argue with somebody with great gams. That one's never let me down.

Here are the rules of participation:
  1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
  2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
  3. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
  4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
So let's get to it, shall we?
  1. Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu.

  2. I like tits. There, was that so hard?

  3. But I also like asses. Major fan of the female ass. Heart-shaped, rounded, flaunted in jeans, demure and prissy in a bouncy-flouncy skirt, leading upward to a deliciously nipped waist and downward to Big Trouble. Hommina-hommina-hommina, do I like asses. Don't know why the gals loathe the VPLs so much; they just help with shape and definition. Just suggestin'. Mm-M!

  4. Feet hold a shameful fascination for me. Summer, the time of open-toed sandals, graceful mules and lovely strappy things, is a particularly sweaty thing. I was in a routine bidness meeting the other day, and I was seated next to a graphic designer of particularly toothsome profile. Brazilian kid, 24 if she's a day. I looked down and noticed she was wearing a pair of mules -- and was destroyed for the rest of the meeting. Couldn't think straight. Eyes just kept wandering under the table.... Yesterday, she told me, eyes shining, that she'd just learned she was expecting her first child. Oh, the guilt!

  5. A graceful neck is a wonder to behold. Wonder Woman's got the most fabulously willowy neck and throat, and sometimes when I watch her concentrating on something, that don't-bother-me-I'm-busy look on her face, I just watch the angles of her neck, the way her hairline meets her ears, and just want to sneak in and nuzzle.

  6. You gotta give some credit to the female back. Once again, my own natural-born wife has a gorgeous back, beautifully V-shaped, long and slender, leading from a delightful waist to shoulders you could really cry on if you were so inclined. Natural gallantry prevents me from going further, but there are Certain Views....

  7. Thighs. Yes. Thighs. Nothin' wrong with a nice pair of thighs.

  8. There's something fairly wonderful about a gracefully turned calf. And how many calves have you turned, Jingo? Oh, dozens. Easy. They moo a little and look resentful, but if you're working in tandem with a well trained Border Collie they'll turn left, or right, or whichever direction you want. Not particularly intelligent creatures, calves. Pliant. Moo.
Eight people? Crap, I don't think I even know eight people. Maybe The Stoic. Yeah, he'll enjoy the livin' fuck out of this. Kevin Wolf? Have you been tagged yet? Ah! The Viscount! Nope. Crap. Already tagged. Blue Wren! Gotcha, honey!

10 comments:

Jennifer said...

What's your stance on toe cleavage? In my early 20's, I purchased a pair of flats that revealed just a hint of toe separation. I thought they were poorly made and was going to return them when my mother (expert of all things shoes) stopped me and informed me of the allure of toe cleavage. Since then, I've run into people who love it and those who hate it.

blue girl said...

You're such a sweetie to Wonder Woman.

What have you done? Are you in trouble?

:)

John B. said...

Completely ( and I mean completely) off topic for a post about gams and breasts and calves and thighs and the beautiful female derriere and neck....but Neddie, in response to question is comments below,

the boy (actually a young man, 21 and a half) loves the Strat, cherry red, beautiful steamlined honey of an axe...and yes, I have been trying to get him to call you to talk about the tuning system and other idio synchratics that you speak of, but he is sort of shy calling someone he doesn't know and whom I said was a fine guitarist...and if he doesn't do it soon, I may have to myself.

Just for the pleasure of talking to you, of course...

Wishing you well this fine summer.
May the tomatoes and green beans and corn on the cob and beets all come in at the same time.

Mr. X said...

But I also like asses. Major fan of the female ass. Heart-shaped, rounded, flaunted in jeans, demure and prissy in a bouncy-flouncy skirt, leading upward to a deliciously nipped waist and downward to Big Trouble. Hommina-hommina-hommina, do I like asses. Don't know why the gals loathe the VPLs so much; they just help with shape and definition. Just suggestin'. Mm-M!

Sing it, brother!

Neddie said...

What's your stance on toe cleavage?

Womens' toes cleave???

Ewww!

(I kid, of course. Virtually anything on a woman's body that is only partly visible and partly hidden by clothing is sexy. I think it's why clothes exist, no?)

BG: It's summer vacation, the kids are constantly in the house, and I may be showing a little fraying around the edges. What the French are wont to call les testicules bleues.

John B.: E-me offline, I'll shoot you a number.

Ronzoni Rigatoni said...

That poster hangs in my doctor's office.

M.A.Peel said...

NJ--Betty Grable was one of my father's favorites. Seems to have impacted his DNA.

Kevin Wolf said...

I think The Viscount tagged me on this already and I've not done it as the blog is transitioning hosts and from MT to WordPress.

If it isn't old, old news by the time I'm able to run with it, I guess I'll run with it.

Ned, have you ever considered a career writing erotica? I understand people pay good money for the stuff.

Jeremy said...

Rules? We don't need no stinkin' rules.

BTW, Jennifer, I've never understood why those shoes are called fuck-me-pumps, but it occurs to me that all such FMPs do show just a little toe cleavage. Could that be it?

Ronald 'More-More' Moshki said...

You probably like a 4'11" 296 lb. butt and a hairy-legged Moslem broadie.

'Chuckle, chuckle, 'nort, 'nort.