Thursday, July 19, 2007

Three Kinds of Random

The Stoic has dredged up a funny memory involving my own extinguished self. I'll let him tell you about it. (It's Number 3 in his "Eight Random Things" post.)

There is a sign on the wall in our cafeteria at work, above the table where the plastic forks and napkins are dispensed. It says, in a quite offensively nannyish tone, "2006: We used 16,345 napkins per day last year! That's right! Not per week, or per month! PER DAY! 2007: YOU DECIDE!"

In a place that feeds about 5,000 people a day, that works out to something like 3.269 napkins per person, an amount I don't find particularly unreasonable or wasteful. As a Person of Beard, I go through that many eating a cup of yogurt, keeping my mustache presentable.

So I am going to deface this sign. But I haven't decided on quite the proper wording, the mots justes.

I'm wavering between



OOPSIE! THAT WAS ME. SORRIES! (accompanied with a little sad-face emoticon).

What say you?

I was asked by my boss to do an assessment of Stumbleupon, a web tool that directs you to web sites that cater to the interests you declare while signing up to use the product. My employers are contemplating a somewhat similar concept.

I signed up, got the Stumbleupon browser toolbar, checked some boxes indicating some random interests -- you know, music, politics, golf, masturbation. That sort of thing.

Man, did I get hooked fast. I spent all of yesterday and most of this morning clicking "stumble...stumble...stumble...." Goddamned thing's practically psychic! Voodoo ESP! He'p me somebody! I's hip-mo-tized!

(Yeah, yeah, you've been using it since 2003...blah blah. I have a life that frequently doesn't involve the Internet in any way, shape or form -- imagine that!)

One of the first things I "stumbled" upon was The Official God FAQ. That was a giggle.


Robert said...

"2008: The Revenge of the Trees"

"If we all do our part, we can break 20,000 per day! Go team go!"

"I decide the problem is the napkin counters."

Kevin Wolf said...

If you can draw a poorly rendered crying clown face, that might make the point even more clearly. Otherwise, I prefer choice #1.

Or just whip out the ol' Sharpie and write: ngepd!

EmployeeoftheMonth said...

"Won't somebody please think of the work-wankers."

mikeinseattle said...

So Neddie, when Alison needed to recover an emotional memory for her role as the Colonel's wife in American Beauty, its conceivable she thought of you? I'm impressed.

thestoic said...

The more finely tuned irony would be to post exactly the same sign above the dispenser in each bathroom stall. "We used precisely 485,354 squares of shitrag PER DAY last year. Greedy? Overmoist? YOU DECIDE!"

jdmack said...

I can't express just how hilarious I find the photo at the top of this blog entry to be!

Gavin M. said...

[poorly-drawn cat]


blue girl said...

I'm with jdmack. That photo up top is ha-larious.

blue girl said...

You know, maybe they want you to use more napkins. The napkin supplier tricked some middle management duffus into putting it up.

And the napkin people are laughing...

Brenda said...

That receiving bacon caption is the funniest usability blurb I have seen in years. Years!