Monday, July 30, 2007

Feck.

If you remark as absent my customary sunny disposition, it is because I have been informed by my dentist that I need one, and quite possibly two, root canals.

They drilled away one offending molar last week (a process I can liken only to spending an hour in a dentist's chair having a tooth drilled away -- the experience is sui generis) and put in a temporary crown, but this sumbitch still hurts. The other root canal may be performed on a lower molar over on the other side of my mouth, which has been crowned for years but has been acting up rather hideously of late. While eating, I have two options -- chew on the left and experience pain, or chew on the right and, er, experience pain. This week, I've been eating quite a bit of pudding and yogurt and clear soups.

Wednesday morning, I hike off to the endodontists' (a word of which I'd until now been blissfully unaware) lair to take my punishment like a man.

A couple of tiny positive notes among the torrent of bad news:
  1. I've been given a scrip for some lovely Vicodin. (I like Vicodin real good; I loathe the fact that I need it.)
  2. I welcome with enthusiasm the opportunity to live-blog a root canal procedure. I'm sure the surgeon and I can come to some kind of arrangement where the laptop doesn't get in the way of the hammer and tongs.
Spit!

16 comments:

Ronzoni Rigatoni said...

Geebus H. Xmas, boy, you are 20 years younger'n me and are completely falling apart. Hips, teeth, what next?

Maybe you should buy a motorcycle. Oh, wait......

Neddie said...

Yeah, yeah, Ronzo, I know. It's been quite a string of Unfortunate Events. Hitting 40 was like dropping a hankie to start the race to the bottom. I like to think of it as getting it all out of the way so I can enjoy a doctor-free 50's and 60's.

blue girl said...

Hitting 40 was like dropping a hankie to start the race to the bottom.

Shhhhhhhhhh. I don't want to hear it.

Matt said...

Forget live-blogging the root canal procedure -- live-blog the Vicodin experience instead!

Simon said...

Eep, good luck with this one, mate. I dare you to Youtube the procedure in extreme oral closeup.

Hitting 40 was like dropping a hankie to start the race to the bottom. I like to think of it as getting it all out of the way so I can enjoy a doctor-free 50's and 60's.

I've still got four years *until* 40, and have spent endless hours in doctor's offices since I was 25, so i'm taking heart at your idea. *I'm getting it all out of the way now*.

Seriously, i always feel like i'm the only one there who doesn't use Polygrip on their dentures, or Depends on their unmentionables and doesn't know where they were when Kennedy was shot or remember the Beatles touring Australia.

Kevin Wolf said...

Best of luck, Neddie. Don't let it get you down.

I've heard tell that these procedures go much less painfully than they used to. Since my own turn in the chair is sure to come, I believe what I've heard with all my heart.

Decatur Dem said...

This makes my upcoming colonoscopy seem a lot less dreadful.

El Jefe de Todos Los Chingones said...

MMMmmmm ... Vicodin.

Patrick said...

I had a root canal once, and it really wasn't that bad. Don't sweat it. Just have them verify that the Novocaine is in full effect before they get to work.

Will Divide said...

And here all the effort you put in to floss daily with licorice whips.

Dental or mental, I say to hell with it.

sfmike said...

You poor baby, my sympathies are with you completely. And "I like Vicodin real good; I loathe the fact that I need it" is my favorite new phrase.

Kate said...

Unless they don’t get it “all” (then yes, hell), root canal is pretty tame. However, the next phase of oral disintegration is not: Implants. They pull the tooth, drill and impale a pole directly in your jawbone, and leave a gaping hole in your lovely smile for 6 months. The prof'l slack-jawed yokel look is so chic these days.
As my impaling looms, what’s better, Vicoden or Percocet?

Neddie said...

I'm a Vicodin man, myself, Kate. Percocet seems heavier somehow, hard to describe. Foggier. Duller.

And you're right, the root canal was much easier than I'd imagined it to be in advance.

Good luck with that impalement.

bobby lightfoot said...

Ever get a Qtip up your prong?

It ROCKS. You ARE Robert Plant for one fleeting moment.

Kevin said...

Decatur Dem,

I'd take the root canals before the colonoscopy.

Good luck to both of you.

Peter said...

Oh wait, I'm just in my early 20's but I've done two root canals. I used to go to the doctor who is an elder brother of my friend, No charge and no pain too...
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