Sunday, March 23, 2008

Goddamned Insolent Bunnies

This year has been a bumper crop for bunny rabbits chez Jingo. Can't walk from house to garage without tripping over one. I just made the trip up there for liquid refreshment, and a bunny sat in my way, glaring insolently, like a soccer hooligan at a referee. As I walked, it moved just enough to get out of my way, and sat its ass back down in the grass. Insulted -- I thought I was a bit more threatening to the property's leporine population than that -- I moved toward it again. Again, it moved just enough to get out of my way, and then plunked its fat little ass down in the grass.

That's it. I'm going Farmer MacGregor on their asses. Ate my whole cucumber crop last year, little bastards. An exemplary rabbit stew with spring vegetables begins to take shape in my perfervid mind. I will leave it, untouched, by the forsythia under which they camp.

Also, them lazy-assed dogs are going to get a very firm talking to. If I have to resort to the words of Captain Nolan at the Battle of Balaclava -- "There, sir, is your enemy!" then that is what I shall have to do. I take no pleasure in it. No satisfaction.

Time to man up.

12 comments:

EmployeeoftheMonth said...

...and lo, the chocolate bunny guillotine was trundled out to the sharp tattoo of a rain soaked drum under leaden skies.

Michael said...

be vewy vewy quiet

Notice the scenery is the mountains of virginia

ckennedy said...

But they're so danged cute. Chicken wire, sir. Some stuff inside for you and yours. Some out for the big-eared neighbors.

billy pilgrim said...

Sounds like they've been taking lessons from the pigeons.

David Harmon said...

The trouble with "chicken wire" is you've got to extend it several feet below ground! Rabbits are very good diggers.

I'd say experiment with various traps... and recipes. A BB gun may also be useful, depending on your aim.

blue girl said...

Nothing says *manning up* like hurting sweet, little innocent bunnies.

jdmack said...

Whoa! You have dogs *and* live rabbits on your property?! That's not natural! It's like matter and anti-matter occupying the same space!

J. D.

Will Divide said...

What JD said. Of course, if the mutts are retrievers they'll need the game to be dead and floating somewhere before they get involved. Terriers, now there's a crew that'll fix your wabbit pwowblem.

David Harmon said...

blue_girl: Nothing says *manning up* like hurting sweet, little innocent bunnies.

"sweet, little innocent" and voracious bunnies! Those guys have devastated continents....

And this is from someone who has owned a pet rabbit. Which was indeed cute and affectionate, but also totally trashed my apartment!

7 years after his (natural) death, I still have possessions bearing his toothmarks....

Anonymous said...

If only deer ate rabbits...
...and, if only rabbits were poisonous...

David said...

Substitue "bunnies" for "gophers",
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bv87T1CQF8E

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