Monday, January 30, 2006

Eat Chili

Hey: You want Clueless?

You want Disengaged, Blithe, Oblivious, Heedless, Purblind, Obtuse?

I spent most of yesterday thinking the Super Bowl would be played at 6:30 last night.

I came to this misinformation from a bleary-eyed, not-yet-caffeinated caption in the morning meatspace WashPost: Super Bowl, Sunday, 6:30 PM, ABC-TV.

Well, shit, wouldn't you draw the conclusion from this that "Sunday" meant, well, this Sunday? I mean, Christ, somewhere deep in the Jingo Hypothalamus there exists the knowledge that there's a two-week hiatus between the conference championships and the Big Game -- as advertisers are hilariously forced to call it or risk a trademark infringement suit. Maybe, just maybe, I lost count of weekends in among all the other, far-more-important-than-football activities I have going on in my life. How the hell am I supposed to keep all these things straight, when I'm dashing off to see Al Gore's DAR Speech, or composing groundbreaking & important orchestral music in my loft space? Why the hell didn't my personal assistant inform me before I committed two pounds of churrasco-cut steak to the Jingo Family Traditional Super Bowl Chili?

Yes, that is what I'm going to continue to tell myself. I had far more important things to think about than some silly panem-et-circensis spectacle. I will hew to this line, and banish from my thoughts the idea that this oversight is an early harbinger of the dotty old coot I am well on my way to becoming, alone and irascible and wearing clashing plaids and white patent shoes with my pants hiked up to my nipples, muttering dark imprecations against suspicious busboys and insolent bus-drivers, my plastic gimme cap from the USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76) levitating a ridiculous tuft of thin white hair from the back of my head as I pat my pockets in vain for the keys to my condo -- which I hold in my left hand.

Stupid football game.

The chili was fuckin' great, though. Man, can I cook chili. Here's the recipe I followed -- the cocoa powder's the zinger. The special kick, not in the recipe, is in the sour-cream-and-chipotle garnish I whipped up out of thin air. Thin with plain yoghurt and drizzle over the chili. Then sit down, turn on the TV for the Big Game and -- surprise!

I hear kidney beans have got like Vitamin F or something that gives you antioxidizing agents-n-stuff that kick Alzheimer's ass. Eat lots of chili, that's my advice.


Anonymous said...

I once showed up 24 hours early for an Air Canada flight from Vegas to Toronto. So abashed was I that the lovely, Ffrench-accented maitre d'tickets found me a seat for the same First Class, baby!

I highly recommend this tactic.

uszmzn - the secret ingredient in Roxtar's "It's a-Running Down" Super Bowl Chili

Uncle Rameau said...

What, you weren't going to Tivo it while you had quality time with you kids/wife/pets and/or saved the rural landscape of the northern Virginia?

Anyway, if you were planning to watch The Game in real time, can we expect live-blogging this Sunday when the real thing comes on? Or at least the halftime show? (Or the commercials? Cause all I'll see is a bunch of lame Labatt's and Canadian Tire ads, not the edgy, hip rollouts of the best work of edgy, hip ad agencies. ahem.)

Hey, we should have the Jingosphere Super Bowl Pool. Somebody put together a 10 by 10 grid, and hand out squares to the usual suspects. I'll throw in a mug for the winner.

chili is for the regular season - raclette and jambalaya for the Super Bowl.

ibrrw - Jingostani for "go Steelers"

Anonymous said...

Call it a rehearsal and relax. That's what Martha Sterwart would've done.

Mudge said...

I applaud your subconscious expression of your extreme distaste for the 2 weeks of hype. It almost cancels out your criticism of Wilson Pickett's decision on where to live.

I will try the chili. It has a bit of everything in it, I noticed. I am relieved it contains no Kool Aid.

Anonymous said...

I imagine that you're going to be eating chilli leftovers all week, which begs the question: when the star entree goes down with an injury, what foodstuff will start the game for you this weekend?

Hey, we should have the Jingosphere Super Bowl Pool.

Oh, I'm in. Winner gets a guided tour of Ashburn from dear Neddie!

Neddie said...

I've started a Super Bowl Pool -- in my pants! $5 (US!!!!) to enter. Use the PayPal widget on Main.

Yes, leftovers last night, prolly leftovers tonight. Slabsided good question re. what to cook in lieu of chili: Whatever it is, it needs to be high in salty fat and cause you to stink up the


What an Aztec would hail to get to the moon.

Anonymous said...

Ah, Neddie - thanks for making me laugh out loud.