The Rain in Spain

Richard Thompson is not only the World's Greatest Living Guitarist,* but damn he's amusing.

As circumstance would have it, his youngest son attends the same school as Arnold Schwarzenegger's and, being English and all, Thompson was tapped to coach the boys' soccer team. The assistant coach is The Governator Himself. The most attention-worthy items to emerge:

1. Young Wolfgang Schwarzenegger is a bit of a ball-hog; and
2. Richard's giving Arnold elocution lessons.

He writes about the experience at his web site: try first here and then here, -- and in fact throughout his online diary, which is here.

We then had a scrimmage – first team against the reserves, parents, and coaches – and I put Arnold as sweeper, and one of his security men in goal. I will long treasure the sight of the CIA operative, earpiece still in place, dark jacket removed and carefully hung on the goalpost, but gun still firmly in shoulder holster, making a commendable diving save at the feet of young Gabe Silver, our star left-winger. Arnie himself was less impressive; apparently a good player in his youth, his physique was now such that it threatened to topple him every time he kicked the ball or changed direction. I suppose it was sheer bulk and top-heaviness; soccer demands a lot of twisting and turning, and a ballet-like agility, not to mention the fitness to run for ninety minutes; being able to stroll through a barn door carrying three injured platoon-mates doesn’t really cut it.

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*The World's Greatest Dead Guitarist was until recently Eldritch "Snuffy" Grimes, who held forth at the Thanatos Club in Kansas City. However, in an unfortunate turn of events, Mr. Grimes has been rendered unable to perform owing to the loss of both arms in a decomposition-related incident. The mantle now falls to Patches "El Muertito" Rodriguez of Caracas, who has developed quite a loyal audience despite the overwhelming stench of putrescent flesh that attends even his most informal performances.