Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Here I Go Again...Up on Th' Stage.

Hey, it's Neddie checking in here and wading through the broken glass 'n' roaches where my lovely and sedate blog used to reside. Fuckin' Lightfoot.

I'm here to bring some sanity back to th' I mean the proceedings with a shout out to THE MAN. BOB SEGER. Woah! Seger is like lightnin' Rock 'n' Roll Viagra for the masses. Seger is always pushing, pushing the envelope and he's never afraid to tell it like it is.

Listen to "Main Street", man. Listen to "Old Time Rock And Roll". He is in full Party-To-The-Oldies Fettle on these and more great numbers. LISTEN TO "TURN THE PAGE"! This is like a four-chord version of Th' Bhagavad fuckin' Gita, my little initiates.

Yes, Seger. He's achieved the kind of stature where he needs no first name. Plus Bob is a crappy name. Seger, man. He's like Cash, you know? Like Bono. Except you'll see him in a Piggledy Wiggledy LONG, LONG before you'll see that snob Bono. Bono'll send his damn roadie Edge in for funnelcakes and ask for his change back like th' weedy elitist he is. Not so our Bob. Our Seger. Guy's middle name is Piggledy Wiggledy.

Forgetting Sartre! I forgot that wet the damn second I first heard the chiming opening chords of "Strut", baby. That philosophy crap was out the window when I started stocking up on Seger's 50-minute beer commercials, baby. I mean albums.

Seger: A Man Of Many Cupboards.

P.S. man, I guarantee I get responses praising Seger to th' skies in all earnestness. Might take a month, might take 3.


fgfdsg said...

Re: "Old Time Rock And Roll"

Never understood this song. Most older men who realise their world stopped in high school don't brag about it in song: They buy a leather jacket and a harley and try to bag some high school girls, like Ponce De Leon really did discover the fountain of youth, and wrote that it lies in between the legs of a 16 year old blonde cheerleader named Jennifer.

That later itching and burning sensation they feel is just the magic doing it's thing, baby.

The plodding rhythm of that song always made me think it was made for the Grey Haired set, slotted into the Desperate and Dateless Seniors dance between 'Roll Out The Barrel' and 'The Birdie Dance', where they're so excited that think they're being so wild that they have to sit down in the middle of the song and reach for their heart pills.

Old Time Rock And Roll... No chance grandma's going to break a hip shaking her tailfeather to that one. Anarchy For The Arthritic.

Kevin Wolf said...

Hey, yeah, Seger rocks, man. Him and Billy Squier. Bob and Billy. Perfect double bill.

cleek said...

Seger'd be so much better if i hadn't heard so fncking much of him.

him, Boston, Joe Walsh, The Who - all victims of stale, static, stodgy Classic Rock Radio.

Employee of the Month said...

Great, I just ripped my own head off my shoulders.

Growing up in Michigan, was tortured daily with Blob force-listening as he was a native son.


Bill said...

"Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then".

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

While Seger’s tunes send that particular nervous flinch through my body to immediately hit the “scan” button on my car stereo, I guess I do have one or two not so terrible Seger-related memories. Back in my high school band, I played keys, and not a lot of tunes featured piano. So, it was sort of cool to get to play that unmistakable opening phrase on “Old Time Rock and Roll.” We used to extended versions of tunes no one could dance to, which gave everyone a chance to hit the head or step outside for a jay (e.g. "Comfortably Numb"). Then you kick in with that first few notes of Old Time Rock and Roll and all the kids come running back to the dance floor. Such was the Midwest -- classic rock with a bit of a country twang was any band’s key to success.

blue girl said...

I like "Feel Like a Number" and "Beautiful Loser."

Is that sooo rrrrong?


roxtar said...

Midwestern rock radio was pretty much "All Seger, All The Time". Except for when it was "All REO Speedwagon, All The Time". I used to fantasize that their respective tour busses would collide in a fiery head-on somwhere between Ann Arbor and Champaign-Urbana. Love Bob's sax player's name, though. Alto Reed. How cool was that?

Highlander said...

I like a lot of Seger, I dislike a lot of Seger. It's like that for all prolific artists, with me. I'm the same way with the Beatles. Not that I'm comparing the Beatles with Bob Seger... although, honestly, I like "Paperback Writer" about as much as I like "Against the Wind". Which probably says something truly dreadful about me, but what can you do? Well, I could lie. But I won't.

Anonymous said...

The Hold Steady are the new Bob Seger.

Tom said...

I'm mostly sick of Seger because of "Like a Rock" being used to sell trucks. I don't feel that way about every song that's used to sell stuff, but "Like a Rock" exemplifies the marketing drive that has resulted in countless white-collar workers buying utility vehicles because they believe that it somehow makes them like a rock, or maybe just a certain part of them, nudge nudge.

I still sorta like "Main Street", because it's a song about a stripper that was released decades before strippers went mainstream, and I thought that that was pretty damn cool. "Turn the Page", though, turns my stomach:

Most times you can't hear 'em talk,
other times you can
oh, the same old cliches,
"Is that a woman or a man?"
And you always seem outnumbered,
you don't dare make a stand

Oh, you poor baby. Crap, Bob, why don't you go back to the hotel, gather up some of your ex-Hell's Angels roadies, and go back to the bar and ask those assholes to repeat what they said earlier? I can't stand songs about how touring is such a bitch, because even if I got sick of groupies, I'd like to think that I'd have better sense than to whine about it. You notice that Gene Simmons wasn't the one singing "Beth" on Destroyer, for example.

When I was in college, one of my acquaintances once made the staggeringly idiotic statement that Seger was the real Bruce Springsteen. That was twenty years ago, and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

Jiminy, Ned.

Seger. Sweet, dude.

You get more play writing eight words about th' Silver Mullet band than I get carefully arranging my intestines on a canvas.

It's great.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

simon- you're a fuckin' funny dude.

kevin- fuck, yeah. Lets us not forget to bring our cellies to wave.

cleek- you 'n' me and a Buzzcocks box set. And some airplane glue.

employee- put it in ice, man. you got iggy, man. Never forget iggy.

bill- dude, that's beautiful. Did you write that?

blowin' shite up- isn't it great that music doesn't have to be good to just knock our memories for a loop? I swear to god, you put on "Everybody Wants To Rule Th' World" and I will dissolve in a pool of girlish tears.

Also, if you think _I_ haven't played "Old Time Rock And Roll" to a packed house of drunken bikers about six trillion times whilst I sported th' biggest, toothiest white man's overbite evah so's I could get my c-note ohhh I forgot where i was...this sentence is too long to finish. Glrrphhh.

glue birl- "we're _all_ sensitive _much_ to share..." It's all love, baby. It's aaaalll love.

rixteer- I'm familiar with th' ASATT format. It's a bitch to crack.

highlinzer- yeah, it says yer honest, baby. That gets big points around here. You're going to be Minister Of Awesome in th' Upcoming Time Warner Regime.

All you do is hang out and declare shit "awesome". You'll liase closely with th' Minister Of Not Awesome. Dude, she is HOT. Abd she hasn a breass on her back for sloww danzing.


Tom- nice, man. Nice. Um, the other thing is I could never picture how anyone could mistake a fuckin' hulking dude with a beard and long hair as a woman. Maybe that's me.

Highlander said...

Well, I do occasionally sign myself as TAD -- Totally Awesome Darren -- so I suppose that must be some sort of epochal prefiguring of my future office, or some such bushlit.

I could not decipher the last several words of your sentence regarding the chick with something on her back for slow dancing, but it doesn't matter. Unless she's my fiancee, my liasing with her will have to be kept strictly professional.

But thanks for the job offer. Do I get a 401K? And flexible spending?

Larry Jones said...

As far as I'm concerned, Bob Seger gets a lifetime pass for this one couplet:

They do respect her but
They love to watch her strut.

Smashed said...

Two Minutes and 42 Seconds in Heaven

How many horn solos does it take to kill a perfect pop song? JOSHUA ALLEN applies science and taste to determine the exact best length—down to the second—for the platonic song, including a full mix tape of samples.

Here’s the problem: “More Than a Feeling” is four minutes and 47 fucking seconds long. I don’t have time for that kind of nonsense. That’s, like, one-seventh of my recreation right there.

Don’t get me wrong, slugger. I love “More Than a Feeling.” Those who don’t are your basic a-holes. But it’s like: We get it. The riff, the handclaps, the 10,000 multi-tracked guitars—nice. But then there’s another verse and another chorus and infinity more solos and just a really ridiculous amount of balderdash.