Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Thanks to All!

Procedure went swimmingly. I'm back home and feeling quite fine, all things considered. Docs said that not only is actual-factual not-a-joke ass-cancer not in the picture, but that the colonoscopy was so clean that I don't need another one for ten years. I'll post scans of the printout tomorrow. (And monkeys will subsequently fly out of the aperture depicted.)

Think I'll take up cigarettes.

Despite the glowing 'scope report, I'm still sporting a pretty impressive bandage. The original not-ass-cancer needed to be excised, and thanks to my man, it's gone, gone, gone.

I do reserve a special ring of Jingo Hell for the Jonas Salk who came up with the bright idea of cleansing the bowel for scoping, which essentially consists of artificially inducing the symptoms of dysentery for 18 tormented hours. Among the several things that I'm desperately short of right now, electrolytes and sleep number prominently.

Thanks to everybody for your sympathetic and funny words. I'm humbled by your kindness.

For the convalescence, I've rented some flicks that I missed in the theaters:
  • Downfall, starring Hugo Ganz. Desperation in the Führerbunker. Got raves, all kinds of honors. So of course I missed it.

  • Donnie Darko, the Director's Cut. Nope. Never seen it. Something about a guy and a big rabbit. The anti-Harvey. We'll see.

  • The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. The tufty-chinned dork at Blockbuster told me this was the worst film he'd seen this year. I asked him to recommend a better one. He came up with Monsters-in-Law. Ah. Thanks. I'll stick with this one, I think.

  • The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Yeah, I razzed it sight unseen. And I was probably right. During the Long Dark Teatime of Scope Prep, while I sweated and strained with junkie-cramps and shaking sweats, the tome that kept me sane was The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Cover to cover. I'll give the damned movie a chance.


Anonymous said...

Glad to hear that all is well with yo' ass, Nedster! I always considered the postop dope a reward for the bowel prep. ;-)

I thought The Life Aquatic was hilarious. On drugs, it's probably better.

Employee of the Month said...

Great news.

Do you have a little servant-summons bell to tinkle?

Milk the recoup time for all its worth old sock.

Nobody said...

Great to hear you have the all clear! I've experienced the bowel cleansing myself - it's a hell of a lot better now than it was when I was a kid... that was basically like crapping burning oil for hours on end.

The Life Aquatic is the most formally mannered / staged 'private joke' film i've ever seen and whilst I can't claim it as a great film, at least it's *trying* for something different... i can't figure out exactly what though. Great use of music too - any movie that uses both Life on Mars? by David Bowie and Gut Feeling by Devo at least has something going for it.

Uncle Rameau said...

good news, delighted to hear you're all sparkling, er, up there...ahem...

Anonymous said...

Is that diagram drawn to scale, big fella?

The Viscount LaCarte said...

Glad to hear you are in the clear. Enjoy the flicks. I'm surprised that you didn't rent "W.A.D." Perhaps Wonder Woman wouldn't appreciate it? I think XTCFAN should be able to supply the answer to the mystery of that particular acroynym.

All kidding aside, I'm very pleased that everything went smoothly.

Kevin Wolf said...

Very glad to see your post. Good news is always welcome.

I'm a sucker for Wes Anderson's sensibility so I can't be even a little critical of Life Aquatic.

TiG said...

Hey Neddie -

So glad to hear everything is okay with the not-ass-cancer.

and the Life Aquatic is a GREAT flick, especially if you've had a few first. =)

Anonymous said...

Prep is a medical hazing on the unsuspecting. 10 years is like getting an "Approved" from the parole board.

HHGG is 'mostly harmless'.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... NJ on DD, lookin' forward to it. Deeply meaningful or faux-art? Who decides?

Anywho, glad to hear it's gone. Didja get to take it home as a souvenir...?

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

Probably not the best time to critically evaluate the cinematic ouevre of Seymour Butts, I would think. Live clean, think clean, shoot clean pinball.

H. Rumbold, Master Barber

XTCfan said...

Viscount, as Akatabi points out, clean living is what's called for at this point. I'm sure Ned wants to stay far away from weapons of any kind (WMD, WAD, etc.) for a while as he mends...

Ned, make sure that appointment 10 years from now is in the morning, okay, big guy? It helps make the prep (fasting, purging, etc.) a bit more bearable.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

That illustration is HOT.

I like how the a-hole is like the size of the doc's (?) face.

Anonymous said...

Dude, now this brings back some memories. My very first paying job was cleaning those scopes after use (along with all other manner of medical-surgical equipment...the skin graft scraper-thing-ey was by far the worst). Now, whenever I find myself in a round of "who here among us has had the worst job" I nearly always win. It's the job that keeps on paying.

Been on the other end, so to speak, of the thing too. The pseudo-pineapple flavored strangely vicous gunge I had to drink called, I shit you not, Go-lyte (and brother lemme tell you I did not go light, I go-ed hard), killed my taste for that particular fruit for years afterward.

Glad to hear you're well. Now, what would Pogo say about the current insanity in ther gulf?

Mudge said...

Don't forget the inflatable ring.

I am glad to know who invented the colon cleaner. It's a sad day when the prep is more dismal than the test itself. I'm sure someone is working on a colo-rooter.

Get well soon and enjoy "The Life Aquatic" (not great but not V.I. Warshawski either).

helmut said...

For a reason I can't explain because I'm both vicodin and valium right now for bad-back-itis, I recommend getting someone to pick up for you Herzog's documentary on Kinski, "My Best Fiend." I've never seen it on drugs, but I might give it a try tonight. It's hilarious and insane. I taught class today and asked the class about the very nature of "progress." That wasn't in the syllabus, but I talked about it for over two hours, then fell asleep driving home.

Glad to hear you're well. You should be the one named "Ass-Rocket."

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear that you're in the clear, Neddie.

handdrummer said...

Goodo on the news, neddie.