Sunday, December 21, 2008

Failure to Dim

Took Betty out for some X-Muss shopping yesterday. All was proceeding apace when we left Purcellville through the back door. They've recently dropped the speed limit on Hillsboro Road to 35, and John Law was out about a half-mile from town, Enforcing, radar gun pointed at oncoming out-of-town traffic.

Me, I wasn't worried. Inveterate speed-limit submissive, me. Speedometer needle pointed perfectly at 35. Yeah, buddy. You Can't Catch Me.

Turned around the bend from Mr. Law. Oncoming headlights shining through the oncoming dusk. Looks like he's going a hair too fast. Better let him know what's around the next corner...

Blinkety-blinkety-blink go the headlights. Practically did it by themselves; it's an ingrained habit.



Only after the headlights did their blinkety-blink bit did I notice what might have been a ski-rack, or perhaps a...set of lights...on top of the car encroaching in the gathering darkness.


As I watched him screech into a driveway to turn around in my rearview, the thought occurred: There was a herd of deer back there! They just jumped into the woods! You gotta warn other motorists in these parlous times! Yeah, that's the ticket!

Officer Friendly thought the whole thing was about as funny as I secretly did myself. (Betty was turning red from the suppression of laughter.) He mentioned Obstruction of Justice in his initial conversation with me, as he pointed out my expired inspection sticker. (What, three weeks out of date? So sue me! It's Christmas! Got shit to do!) He retired back to his prowler with my license and registration to verify that I wasn't wanted for moral turpitude in 23 states. After what seemed an eternity, during which Betty and I exchanged the blackest of jokes, he returned.

He'd knocked the Obstruction charge back to "failure to dim high beams."

I will happily cop to it. Merry Christmas, Occifer.


Anonymous said...

Yes, the traffic cops are as thick as the deer in these parts. Twixt here and Clark's Gap maybe thicker. It's easy pickins for them in Waterford. The limit in Wford is 20 mph, even on High St. They got me doin 13 over a while back, so I'm more aware now. In good weather they park their bikes on a side street and stand on the side of the main drag to gun oncoming cars. There's no patrol car, just a guy on the side of the road who waves you over when you get close enough to realize who he is. I'll say this for the west LoCo cops though - they're very courteous when they serve you.

Anonymous said...

They can be nice... I was in WV a while back heading home after a visit with the P's going a tad over 70, in what I thought was a 70mph zone... After a little chit chat, he peered into the mini-van chockfull o' spawn (without my better half) and said "You've got a car full, don't cha?!" I emphatically replied with a cherubic smile on my face, "Why... yes I do!" Penalty mercifully averted.
Got stopped very recently in my cute little mid-life crisis Miata convertible....not speeding, and really close to home... didn't even see the guy. Lights flash on as I'm 1/10 of a mile to the house.... So I pulled into my own driveway and waited that same eternity you did, and when he finally got me checked out, he pronounced my name wrong and asked "Did you know your front headlight was out?" "I didn't," I exclaimed with a shocked sweet gasp... I promised Jason I would get it fixed and the next day better half installed 2 new bulbs.... They CAN be nice.... Happy Holiday!!

On another note....Thanks for your welcome party Neddie!!

KCB said...

Wow, I had no idea it was illegal to warn motorists of speed traps with your lights. I like the deer excuse.

Anonymous said...

They can talk amongst themselves [at great length] on their portable radios, but let us try to dash out a dot of morse code on the headlamps and they're in our business like glaze on a donut.
I suggest we all adopt the secret communicative: major wiper fluid spurt = smokey w/ radar 'round the bend.