Saturday, May 12, 2007

Apologizing in Advance..

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what prompted this little thing to creep into my head this morning at Freddie's footie game. One minute you're all in the game, cheering your head off at the heroics being played out on the field of battle, the next you're thinking up rhymes for "uterine wall."

Dysmenorreah, it fails to enthrall
Water retention is casting its pall
That egg won't stick to the uterine wall
That's why the lady has a cramp!

She's got that bloa-ted fee-ling again!
Follicular phase --
Just one of those days!
Feels like her gut's in a toolmaker's clamp
That's why the lady has a cramp!

Take it, boys!


glue birl said...

What a special Mother's Day tribute. Brings a tear to me eye.

Tell Mrs Ningo I said Happy Mother's Day!

Neddie said...

Oh, fuck! Mothers' Day! Hang on, I'll be right back, got to make a quick jaunt to the 7-11...

glue birl said...

A Slurpee is sure to score you major points, Jeddie.

Decatur Dem said...

Should that be dysmenorrhea?
At any rate, Tom Pynchon himself couldn't have done better.

Neddie said...

Thank you, DecDem!

Goodness me, I've just learned me some Greek. I read the article at Wikipedia, saw "Eumenorreah" described as healthy, normal menstruation, but skipped the part about "dysmenorreah," which I assumed was the opposite -- menstruation that's impaired in some way. Even the healthy version sucks for many women, I thought, and I deplored it in the strongest possible terms with this powerful protest song.

Turns out the two prefixes aren't actually opposites in this case -- you can experience dysmenorreah at the same time as eumenorreah.

It does, indeed, just mean "cramps."

Thank Zeus the correction doesn't alter the meter.

Jennifer said...

The next verse needs something about menstruation huts.

noblesavage said...

Thanks for dis menories -- Sort of a bridge stanza thingie here-

Her...pelvic pathology
Means everything me...

I ...never meant no offense
She..said her pain was "intense"
I asked "A-frame or pup?"
-and caught her uppercut
Darn that old PMS!

I' the doghouse now but
My gender's menstrual hut
Is the place we will stay
Til men sees it their way...
Beats a kick in the nut.

Jennifer said...

Yes! noblesavage did it!

A-frame or a pup... :)