Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Long Weekend Roundup


FUH1, actually, today. An excellent score. How's that $3.75/gallon gas workin' for ya?

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Hoo-WEE -- check out all them dead Republicans! Got your Haley Barbour right there, lying on top of Dick Cheney cheek by jowl with Condoleezza Rice who's making Trent Lott's life uncomfortable while Phyllis Schlafly crushes the life out of Jeb Bush....

Well, no.

That's Freddie Jingo offering a sense of scale to the five-foot-tall pile of weeds we pulled out of the vegetable beds and various flower beds around Jingo Acres this weekend. But given the marvelous human capacity for transference, that pile of pokeberry, wild strawberry, thistle and milkweed becomes an epic mount -- a Tower of Babel -- of rage, of Channeled Anger.

You want to fuck up the New Orleans rescue effort? [yank!] Aaaaaall right, [yank!] then, I've got your motherfuckin [yank!] blag-slabbering [yank!] slap-grabble right fuckin' here, [yank!] you pissant profiteer slap-flacking [yank!] cock-grapplin' namin'-to-FEMA-some-cushy-patronage-asshole-incompetent, glab-flagglers! George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People!!! [Yank!]

Jolly fun, and so soul-cleansing.

I reserve my tenderest thoughts, though, for this guy (via Wolcott). Ach, du lieber Gott what a spectacular asshole. What a ripe, febrile, incandescent, well-lit asshole, caulked to the brim with healthful and delicious lime! You simply must spend some leisure time perusing his Take on Reality: "Crypto-Fascist" only begins to describe the wares on display; what you got here is a Comment-editing True Believer. Prick him and he doth bleed. I'd heartily recommend the prickage. Mercy sakes, is he entertaining!

Christ on a unicycle with a tray of martinis, I ask you: someone actually looked at this graphic and thought to himself: Fuck me, what a great header that would make for my blog!




This man has never been laid in his life.

He may actually have fucked something; he may once have buried his barely tensile tallywacker in something soft and wet; he may well have sired some terribly unfortunate progeny somewhere -- but he has never once in his cobwebby life made love to anything. Not so much as a brick wall with a hole drilled in it. Dear God, what a self-important, pompous, pompous, pompous asshole.

9 comments:

Annapolitan said...

Um.... what does your son's shirt say?

"_UCK, NO"?

I'm sure this misreading is to be blamed on my caffeine-deprived brain.

P.S. If it says what I think it says, you are such an AWESOME DAD!

Neddie said...

>> If it says what I think it says,
>> you are such an AWESOME DAD!

You should see his other one, which reads, "I'll Mess with Texas."

Actually, I'm not quite to the point of encouraging Freddie to wear Anglo-Saxon vulgarities on his chest. It says "Duck, NC," the name of the resort town where we spent our summer hols.

Annapolitan said...

My naughty brain is playing tricks again. I can see the "TUCK, NC" now.

Speaking of T's, I was thinking about getting one that says: "Hurricane Katrina: Bush's Blow Job scandal."

(Or something like that. Suggestions welcome.)

Bobby Lightfoot said...

Um, I took care of your buddy at American InDigest.

Maybe it'll up my traffic.

Neddie said...

Whereat, Bobby? I coudn't find yer comment...

XTCfan said...

I suspect Bobby's posting fell prey to the "N.B.: Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged" (aka censorship) rule.

FWIW, I also saw FUCK, NO on Freddie's shirt. I simply thought it was what he wore around the house to save time in his responses to parents' requests.

Gavin M. said...

But given the marvelous human capacity for transference, that pile of pokeberry, wild strawberry, thistle and milkweed

That's all food, you know. You can't eat poke salad once the stems go red, but if you get it while it's young, you're dining in Old Virginia fashion.

Neddie said...

So let's get a recipe, Gav! I'll try anything once.

gavin m. said...

Well, you have to get the young plants; it's a recipe for next season (other plants are just coming due right now). But you gather the eruptions of new leaves and stalks when they're less than 8 inches high. Boil the leaves in two changes of water, and serve as you would spinach. It's delicious enough that gardeners in Europe cultivate it by choice. You can do the stalks like asparagus.

Pokeweed grows from a massive, yard-long root, so as you harvest the new growth, more will keep springing up. A couple of pokeweed plants can provide more greens than you know what to do with.

The caveat is that the root and mature plant (incl. berries) are absolutely no good to eat. Once it gets stalky and red, it's possible to harvest and prepare the leaves, but not worth it because of the nasty taste and toxic red-whatsis.

It's actually the seeds, not the berries, that are the problem, but plants over 8" high means it's time to move on to other wild greens.

Etymology: 'Poke salad' is a back formation. Until the WWII/postwar disruption in American culture, there was a clear distinction between 'salad,' which was raw greens, and 'salet,' which was cooked greens.

Speaking of back formations, the song now appears under various titles, including 'Pork Salad Annie.'