Sunday, February 05, 2006

Super Bowl -- XL-ent!

Jesus what a horrible pun. Perhaps the worst I've ever perpetrated. Gosh, I hope the NFL doesn't come after me for using that Copyrighted Phrase.

A half-hour before kickoff, a few preliminaries while the fajitas blacken on the broiler. (I use the Chi-Chi's Fajitas for Two recipe from my favorite guilty pleasure, the Top Secret Recipes book.)

1) Steelers 27, Seahawks 24. Tomorrow's hed: "Twelfth Man wins it for Pittsburgh!" The Detroit crowd is estimated 90% Steelers fans, 5% Seahawks, 5% Abramoff clients on a last toot.

2) This year's Mortal Lock: Al Michaels will irritate the living poopie out of me.

3) This year's Wild Hair Prediction: During the Stones' set, a Hell's Angel, hired for security duty, will stab somebody on the field. Mick Jagger will implore the crowd, "Brothers and sisters! Please! Let's keep it together!" Together will fail to be kept by the assembled brothers and sisters. So much for the Woodstock Notion.

More later.
6:14: Best National Anthem Ever: Aaron Neville, Aretha Franklin and DOCTOR JOHN!!! The Night Tripper! Am reminded of a great headline in The Onion: Black Gospel Choir Makes Area Man Wish He Believed in All That God Shit.

7:15: Finished eating. 12:03 second quarter. I'm thinking Seattle Wants It More.

7:17: Sweet gadget play by Pittsburgh. god DAMN, this could change the actual fukkin' momentum! Or so John Madden ponitificates. Tool.

7:20: Intercepion Seattle. They Want It More, I'm telling you.

BTW: Rare Vos, Belgian-style amber, top-fermented, bottle-conditioned, sealed with cork. Out of Cooperstown, NY, slightly ironically. Tasty, tasty, tasty. Mmmm-MM!

You gotta go for the first down, Mike.

7:31: Pittsburgh's moving. Sweet shovel pass by Roethlisberger. Pass is dropped in the end zone by a person who will have nightmares about it for the rest iof his life. I am amused.

What is it about cheerleaders that make me think about sex? It's a mystery.

7:35: SERIOUSLY cool quarterbacking by Roethlisberger, for whose name I'm going to create a Keyboard Macro in a minute. Wow, that breaking-for-the-sideline move, followed by the tiptoe on the line of scrimmage, was one of the coolest moves I've ever seen on a football field.

7:40 Jerome Bettis sacrifices himself to clear the way for the QB Keeper. That ball did not cross the goal line.

7:43 BOOOOOOOOO! Bad call! Bad call!

8:02: Halftime. I'm changing my prediction. I'm liking Seattle, 21-17.

The first ad that caught my eye at all just went by: Promo for Lost, to Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love.

Here come the Stones.... JESUS CHRIST, WHERE IS MICK TAYLOR????????

They've put in some fucking ringer in there! I think it's that creepazoid from The Faces who used to be in The Birds and the Artwoods -- Ronnie Wood! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE WITH MICK TAYLOR??????????????

I see Mick managed to mumble over the line, "You make a dead man come." Good for him. I'd hate for a dead man to come. That would be scary.

Oh dear god. I just saw Jaggerian ass-crack. RELEASE THE HOUNDS!

Macca was WAY better last year. That's all I'm gonna say on that.

8:32: Ooops! They certainly sprung Parker, didn't they. Dear me. Having done the math, I realize it's impossible for Seattle to score 21. Revised prediction: Seattle 24, Pittsburgh 17.

8:41: Good thing the Seattle kicker missed the field goal. It would have messed up my point spread. Still saying it: Seattle 24, Pittsburgh 17.

Sluggo: You're missing NOTHING on the Groundbreaking Commercials score. NOTHING.

8:49: OK, I might be coming off the Seattle prediction. A bit. Pittsburgh punches it in here, I might be willing to concede the game.

8:52: Ooohhhhhhhh-KAY!!!!!!!!! Watching Herndon run out of gas about the 20 after his interception, reminds me of the importance of not smoking on the sideline. SEATTLE TD: NEW GAME!!!!!!!!!!

8:59: Still looking for an answer re. Why cheerleaders make me think about sex. Weird.

That Lorne Michaels show might be funny.

9:07: Momentum turning Seattle's way. We've seen everything Roethlisberger's got. Punt, Pittsburgh.

9:15: Why am I so in the bag for Seattle? Because they beat the Redskins. It's nice to go through the off-season thinking that the Skins were knocked out of the postseason by the team that won the Super Bowl. Fair?

9:18: Seattle's going to win this game.

9:25: Even after the INT at the 5-yard-line and the ridiculous personal-foul call on Hasselbeck, Seattle's going to win this game. Pittsburgh has it, 3rd and two on the 49.

9:28: ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH! Beaten by the flea-flicker!!!!

9:34: Hasselbeck fumbled. If the zebras say he didn't, it will be highway robbery. OTOH, it's not like Seattle hasn't been getting screwed by zebras the whole game.

9:40: Zebras' call makes no difference. Seattle runs out of gas. Time may well be running out.

9:47: Pittsburgh hits the first down. Emag Revo.

9:49: Archives.

Enjoyed it, gentlemen. Same time, next year?

10:00: This thing ain't over yet, it seems...

10:02: Now it's over. Enjoyed it!


Employee of the Month said...

The Vegas over/under line for groin pulls is 4.

News you can use.

roxtar said...

That many Steelers fans in Detroit are likely to make both cities smell better.

xjvxe - the next Super Bowl to be won by the Cleveland Browns

Sluggo said...

cheap scotch here

Sluggo said...

bad call, and the video was fairly conclusive. but then the seattles fall apart with no clock management skills.

ack, or translated, "atkmp"

Sluggo said...

yikes, just take the pension, Mick.

nbrgrooj - afrikans for elderly rockers, or old fools.

roxtar said...

The ball crossed the line before Ben hit the ground. He was pushed back a little after the ball crossed the line. Wilford Brimley seemed to be a little upset, but I've heard he has a hot temper.

Sluggo said...


bring back Dr. John.

lots of stupid Canadian commercials so far, all of which I've seen before.

sticking with my 27-20 Seahawks call, although it may be a lower scoring Seatlle win.

The Viscount LaCarte said...

My stepson wants to know if Mick is gay.

Employee of the Month said...

Bill Wyman's black??

Sluggo said...

live by the blitz, die by the blitz.

right where they want them.

Marisacat said...

Did we know they'd be doing this at ... 70?

roxtar said...

It's all about the rhythm.

emwtijsm - Swell parting gifts from the Who's bass player.

Sluggo said...

commercially speaking, pls see

a new Bell Canada campaign for the Olympics, it would appear. mildly amusing.

that will turn the momentum around, eh.

roxtar said...

You don't pass in that situation. Not ever. You let Bettis score a TD for his mom and dad. Cowher must be smoking crack on the sideline.

njopztts - A bad case of acne on your njop.

Carl said...

You could actually see one of the 300-pound D-lineman pull a hamstring trying to keep up and block on the interception return. Hell, you could probably hear it snap from the upper deck.

Sluggo said...

this could be an exciting finish, after all. if Stevens can hang onto a pass.

Sluggo said...

joepa karma... Engram and Jurevicius will play a big part yet... and as I type, Bobby E for a first down.

mxzfb - most extreme foot ball ?

Carl said...

I find myself rooting for Seattle because so many people were saying it was in the bag for the Steelers. Apparently regular-season records didn't matter when it came to setting the point spread.

It's not over yet, but this drive the Seahwaks are on right now has the potential to be all-time. Starting at their own 2 yard line with Steelers fans going apeshit in that end... Hasselbeck has looked cooler than Steve McQueen.

roxtar said...

You could actually see one of the 300-pound D-lineman pull a hamstring trying to keep up and block on the interception return. Hell, you could probably hear it snap from the upper deck.

The sideline reporter had the line of the night. She said he went down "like he had been hit by a sniper."

Carl said...

Apparently my last comment jinxed the living hell out of the Seahawks. Oops.

roxtar said...


Sluggo said...

re: 9:15: ruck the fedskins.

ol mo' is swingin tonight.

just like Moe Kauffman.

roxtar said...

Did Wilford Brimley just say "Fuck"?

roxtar said...

Well, he certainly must have said it by now......

Sluggo said...

Hasselbeck called for illegal block on a tackle, and then Ben chops on the gadget play.


better I'd spent the evening reading kerioqk

The Viscount LaCarte said...

The 'mercials are really stinking up the joint this year.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

Jaggerian Asscrack?

I thought *Th' Stones* were doing the halftime this year.

That's awesome. I didn't think Th' Crack were big enough yet.

Library Lady said...

Ran into your blog and found your play by play a bit more interesting than the game :) And hey, I'm in Michigan.

roxtar said...

Enjoyed it, Neddie!

The Viscount LaCarte said...

Yep - a new tradition - watchin' the game with Ned...

Carl said...

Who's the MVP then? Roethlesberger has been inefficient and thrown a couple picks. Parker had that big run but otherwise didn't do much. Maybe Hines Ward, 5 catches for 123, including the TD and the catch that set up Roethlisberger's TD.

Employee of the Month said...

Anybody want this last piece of pizza?

rameau's nephew said...

c'est fini.

thanks Ned. First time my son has watched a game from start to finish. He enjoyed giving Dad (and Ned) the gears, as a Steeler fan who wants to be Polamolu when he grows up.

helmut said...

Why did the guy who showed up instead of Mick Taylor - who's apparently really late - play most of the guitar leads? What was Keef doing?

Matt said...

Man, am I sorry I wasn't near a computer tonight...great job.

fgfdsg said...

Funny how they always put a band in the middle of it. When i was in school I always thought sporting types were the natural enemy of musicians. Shouldn't they be beating up the Stones for their lunch money?