So Wonder Woman and I got into it over a bucketload of General Tso's Chicken this afternoon at the Sharpenin' Mall. I hope the General don't mind. Evvybody always eatin his chicken. A fella could get nervous.
No, we were there waitin for the Sears boys to call sayin they'd put a new battery into the Nissan Smashfinder. They said they could do it for a few clackers, and we took em up on it. We attackted the General meantime.
She, my Lovely Paintress Better Half, looked out over the crowd of pluguglies in the Food Court while she chewed some chickengristle. She waxed Christian, who didn't cavil.
"The most beautiful faces here are the ugliest. Look at that woman over there [late fifties, jaw collapsed, never had a chin, bugeyes, nasty sweater]. What would Lucian Freud have made of her? Isn't she Truly Beautiful?"
I remonstratified, setting forth the Libertarian argyment, which have always stood me in goot stood. "Lucian Freud?" I refarted, "Who the sharkin' pluck ever gave him any money? I'm tellin you now, here's de troof, don't ye know, here's de corksoakin troof:
"That thing is beautiful that you want to give lots of money to."
Wondie and me had a big larff over it, an then we warrant our semperate ways. She and Betty stalked off for some cotton apparel; Freddie and I went for haircuts. The both of us had gotten a mite Hirsute.
At Bubbles Haircuttifyin Salon, we made an inconvenient display. The confused menials dithered until the strongest among them dithered meaningfully, "I think we can take a couple of walk-ins, but we'll see who's free."
Who was free was simply the most astonishingly deliciously toothsome blonde pixie gamine to be observed in this or any other lifetime, all fishnet-sweater-over-bare-shoulder and nine-inch tattooed hips. She just popped into the equasion and chirped, "I can take you now!"
Any heathero-sexual human male woulda did something like this:
Completely unable to trust myself to behave like a genitalman, I shunted the responsibility off to my twelve-year-old. You go first, son, you'll thank me later...
When the haircuts were done....
I tipped her $600.
I was right all along.