Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Scott Hamilton Understands

Oooooh, look, I can spin in really tiny circles, and I can glide backwards while grabbing my leg and sticking it in my ear, and I can gesticulate balletically with my graceful arms while grinning like a gargoyle...

But now comes the kicker...

HERE'S MY CUNT!

24 comments:

Bobby Lightfoot said...

GLRXXXSPLTTFFFGGGGGGGBBBBX!!!!!!!

fgfdsg said...

There's a *very* disappointing movie called 'Run Ronnie Run' by the Mr. Show guys, that's entire worth a rental purely for one Mary Poppins-style musical number sung in awful Dick Van Dyke mockney accents, complete with cute animated squirrels, tastefully titled "Give Her A Kick In The Cunt".

Sample Lyric:

"Now you might want to sock her a clop in the choppers or shock her by making a grab at her knockers but she'll call the coppers and you'll land in jail where you eat bread and water and shit in a pail so if you've enough of her womanly guff no need to be rough it'll be quite enough to call her bluff with a huff and a puff just stuff your foot straight into her muff!"

You'll hum it for days. Wonder Woman will consider divorce.

dae said...

Oh dear, Olympic Cunt seems to be all the rage these days:
http://i1.tinypic.com/o8glmv.jpg

fnftyp - a small gratuity for a German waiter.

roxtar said...

My wife likes the figure skating, so I was compelled to watch it with her last night. I, too, noticed a new emphasis on cunt, or, as I have named it, "beaver work." As in: "This 16 year-old competitor from Vaginastan isn't terribly strong on her jumps, but her beaver work is among the best at the Games."

I'm sending a telegram to Dick Button in hopes of having this neologism take hold among the skating community. (Actually, I just wanted an excuse to refer to "Dick Button".)

fgfdsg said...

Re: Dae's Picture of Extreme Camel Toe Horror

If I didn't want to go up one of those before, then I definitly don't want to now!

roxtar said...

Re: Dae's Picture of Extreme Cameltoe Horror

I think I know where General Tso's Chicken is hiding.

Kevin Wolf said...

Jesus. Christ.

Was never as funny as this post.

qaaquyx!! - Oh, shit, Bobby's still choking! Send for help!

ade... checks again, yes ADE said...

Oh the perils of trying to type too fast, that "dae" is supposed to read "ade"
.
Kind of reminds me of the time at school when a French student came to give us Oral French lessons (not half as arousing as the title suggests) - her limited grasp of the pronunciation of English names led to her calling me Elgrin instead of Adrian. For the rest of that school year to all my classmates I was Elgrin. I nearly lost my marbles.
.
There's kligahnz on the starboard bow!

ade said...

Simon wrote: If I didn't want to go up one of those before, then I definitly don't want to now!

To be honest, I think possibly only Gary Glitter would be interested in going up that one.
.
yhmma - telling mater that she has received an email.

Carl said...

Neddie just lost any SNAG credentials he may have possessed.

Victor said...

umm... has your source changed the picture on you, sly-like? Or am I just very confused?

roxtar said...

She seems to be saying, "It's THIS WIDE!!!"

fgfdsg said...

Ade/Dae:

Am I the only one who'd expect to find a Fortune in there?

"You will Fuck and Suck a new friend tonight".

Anonymous said...

At least she's wearing relatively dark colors. I remember seeing a photo book of the 1996 U.S. women's (really, girl's) gymnastic team that was practically kiddie porn.

cnwlx--when you're about to do the splits in front of 1 billion people and you absolutely, positively have to give yourself a Brazilian.

Bobby Lightfoot said...

I've been called many things before but "Gary Glitter" ain't one of 'em.

Wren said...

From the general tone of the posts, I'm not sure if you fellas (?) are disgusted by flashing figure-skaters' crotches or titillated. While I'll admit to not being a figure skating fan, preferring the skiing, bobsled and loooooooge events, it seems to me that female figure skaters have always done the eye-popping splits. Perhaps I'm the wrong gender to find it all so... ewwwww.
Someone want to take a moment to explain all the um, excitement?

glue birl said...

You boys...

Neddie said...

I'm not sure if you fellas (?) are disgusted by flashing figure-skaters' crotches or titillated.

Neither, Wren. It's just that Olympic Figure Skating becomes sidesplittingly funny when you refuse to imbue it with the High Artistic Seriousness it attributes to itself. In much the same vein, The Dawnce is pretty fuckin' funny when you step out of your role of Awed Theatergoer and just look at it as people prancing around in tights.

I have an inner monologue going when I watch figure skating, speculating about what's going through the head of the skater, and when this skater lifted one leg and pretty much put the whole affair on proud display with a huge idiot grin on her face, that phrase popped into my head and I almost choked laughing.

I'm nmlyen to ya.

helmut said...

It's called pushing the Dick Button. Teehee.

jsh26 said...

This can't be the right photo.

Mike Hunt said...

Have there been any calls for me?

tulltw - A weekly newsletter featuring the latest from the world's premiere flute-driven rock band.

Ol' Pal D said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you - all of you. Last night's Ladies' Final took on so many new layers of meaning.

It was gratifying to see that excellent beaver work did, once again, carry the day.

Skøl!

Ronzoni Rigatoni said...

Old old ethnic jolk: Why don't (your choice) ballerinas do the split?

Ans.: They stick to the floor.

Hahahahaguffawhmmmmmmm?

Aw, fukkit

Mrs. Packer said...

And I'm sure there will be even more crotch-baring "moves" since now the skaters have to do what is called a "spiral sequence." Yep..all those high leg-lifting moves that in the animal kingdom would signal a willingness to start the mating dance are required by the Judges. On the other hand, maybe these leg lifts are just an attempt to improve skater hygeine by giving these young women the opportunity to air out down there.

Or, could it all be a ratings ploy by the network? Hmm...