Al Franken is wont to end his radio show with a jokey segment called "What We Learned Today," and as I've had an educational few days, I thought I'd share something similar.
What I Learned in the Past Few Days
- Any reasonably responsible caretaker of a lawn will be able to tell you: the catalog of weed names on the back of a bottle of Ortho Weed-B-Gone are Pure Comedy Gold, a treasure trove of deliciously ridiculous Anglo-Saxon grunts: Beggartick, bindweed, boogerwort, bristly oxtongue, crapthistle, cocklebur, St. Timothy's spurge, tickmustard, bastard mallow, Spanish flywort, povertyweed, hairy fleabane, hawkweed, Russian pigweed, redstem burgoo, poorjoe, sneezeweed, hoary plaintain, milk vetch, tansy sprue, spatterdock, needleprick, lambsquarter, scarlet pimpernel, gentlemen's relish, cudweed, knotweed, creeping jenny, bustle-smirch, Judas' drawers, Upson's daisy, toadflax, spiny cocklebur, stinkweed.
(I may have made a few of those up. Your job: Which ones? I'll even let Cherfas play, although he's got a bit of a head start on the rest of you.)
- Hairy fleabane does nothing -- that's nothing -- to repel fleas. Makes 'em hungry. Sneezeweed doesn't sneeze. And povertyweed is the richest weed on earth. Prolly named that for tax purposes.
- If you outsource complex Web design jobs to snooty-assed Noo Yawk boutique design firms, it is a mortal lock that the job will come back half-assed, poorly thought through, and (it goes without saying) over budget. Why these crapthistles keep doing it, never learning their lesson, and burdening their in-house designers with fixing the dreadful design problems introduced by these tiny-glasses-wearing, fussy-facial-hair-sporting, unlikely-piercing-displaying, expensively dressed, fingersniffing needlepricks is quite thoroughly beyond me. Cudweeds.
Don't ask me how I know this.
- As a direct consequence of #3, I may be extremely busy at work, and consequently on a restricted blog-posting schedule, for a couple weeks. Please bear with me. I promise I'll privately share a link to the finished product, which will kick Creeping Jenny's ass.